You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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