Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
