"it" just moved
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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