his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
