It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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