We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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