Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
