the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
