I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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