Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
