i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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