This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
