I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
