how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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