Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
