just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
