While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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