Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
