I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
