Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
