I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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