So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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