Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
is that a dick in a sweater?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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