fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
