How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
