Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
