can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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