I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
