sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We got so high we made milksteak
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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