I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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