I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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