I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize