Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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