i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
