Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
