it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
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Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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