he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
