Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Everclear isn't food dammit
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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