So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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