Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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