I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
