It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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