Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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