It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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