the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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