It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
