no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
