Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
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He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
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BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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