Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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