I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
