i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
