Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
