Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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