I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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