I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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