i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
