I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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