If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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