i dont even know how to be here
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is the high leading the old right now
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
