I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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