no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
