I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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