HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
