The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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