I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
