Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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