Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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