Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
