There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
