I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
