sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
