my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
