I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
